Minutes of the quarterly review, third quarter

Present: Harrowgate Lennox (eleven), Thornleigh Aubert (one, late, apologetic in four languages), Lockridge Hartwell (dialled in from a car), Dunmore & Rook (independent), Marchbank Private (did not attend; sent a warrant), Linnet (Ned). Apologies: none, which the chair noted.

Item one, fees. Harrowgate Lennox confirmed its indicative IPO fee of 3.84 to 4.69 per cent remained indicative. Asked what indicative meant, the delegation conferred and the answer was no. Lockridge Hartwell reported that its retainer of $92,750 a month was not credited against the success fee and never had been, and that clients who believed otherwise had been reading the wrong page of the deck, which was page six.

Item two, minimums. Marchbank Private, in absentia, reaffirmed £9 million and the brass plate. Thornleigh Aubert said it had no minimum, only a preference, and that the preference was CHF 9 million. Linnet said Ned would take anyone with £400,000 and a mobile number and that Ned had, over the quarter, taken 4,112 such people and lost contact with 3,900 of them, which Ned described as churn and the chair described as a lot.

Item three, performance. All six members were behind the tracker fund for the quarter, the year, and the period since records began. Dunmore & Rook said this was not the point. The chair asked what the point was. The fee letter was circulated.

Any other business

Terms as discussed with me are recorded in the Tables, in the Panel's own section, with their own numbers on the Sources page. There being no other business, the meeting closed at the time the MD joined.

By the Secret Banker. No name, by design. Why. Opinions are the author's own and, on reflection, the author's alone.